He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Too much gin, very little bucket
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
