"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
