Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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