he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
