She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We need to get me chipped asap
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
