thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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