she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
