Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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