i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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