I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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