That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How naked do you want me to be?
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