Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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