Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
