I heard we made out
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
