Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
