And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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