This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
