i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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