I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize