just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
