So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
