Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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