Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
