Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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