cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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