found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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