fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
handjob tips. give me some.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
