Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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