You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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