Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
