I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
