Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
