Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
