PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
