I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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