and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
