Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
