dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
