in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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