Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
