i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
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does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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