3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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