my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
