people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's shark week go big or go home
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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