none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
