i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
