u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
