Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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