I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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