if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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