Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
