Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
