Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
