I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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