Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
