So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
