My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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