I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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