NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
