Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
