Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
