That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
