oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
