u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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