Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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