your parents love me but you hate me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
