Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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