I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
