btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
