OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He felt like a one man threesome
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
