College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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