On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
