Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize